I just finished a wonderful bible study on the book The Good and Beautiful God by James Bryan Smith, and I'm currently working through the devotional Battlefield of the Mind by Joyce Meyers, and they are both fabulous and wonderfully convicting. :-) However, I've found myself getting hit pretty hard over the last couple of months on the topic of worrying, and I'm realizing more and more, it's one of my biggest strongholds, rooted in my issue of fear.
The other day, I read a definition of worry as "tormenting oneself with disturbing thoughts." Yep, that's pretty much what I do! I've always been a worrier, and I think I've accepted it as a part of my identity. I've taken it too lightly, and just excused it as "it's what I do". I've always viewed it as annoying, but relatively harmless. But as today's devotion pounded in the point that worrying is a SIN, it's starting to sound a little more ugly than what I've made it out to be in the past. It's basically calling God a liar, and saying that He can't handle whatever it is that I'm stressed about. I wouldn't dare say to God He's a liar, but sadly that's what I do every time I let worry take over. I'm realizing more and more that I'm really good at bringing pointless stress into my life. I often find myself worrying about potential problems, ones that will most likely NEVER even happen, and I rob myself of the peace and joy of my present moment. And sadly, my worrying often robs my husband of it, too, because my worrying becomes a burden to him, as well.
I know in my heart that God loves me and cares for everything that concerns me. Unfortunately, my mind doesn't always line up with that truth. My identity is in God, and since worrying is not a character of God, it should not be a character of mine (even if I try to make it one). I'm a child of the Father, He abides in me, and when He died for my sins (my worrying included), He took the power of that sin away in my life. It should not have power and influence in my life. Worrying is nothing but the devil, knowing my weaknesses, pushing buttons and planting seeds of doubt and fear in my mind. Sad thing is, he doesn't have to do much, all he has to do is plant one tiny seed of doubt and my mind takes it from there, making it a much bigger issue. And the more I focus on my problems (or the potential for problems), the larger they become.
God keeps bringing to mind a devotion I had many years ago, I was working through the Old Testament and was studying the Israelites. I found myself getting so frustrated with them, for all their grumbling and complaining, and worrying about what they were going to eat while out in the wilderness. I was so annoyed at how quickly they forgot about everything God had already done for them... they witnessed all the plagues, which led to their freedom out of slavery. They saw God open up the Red Sea for them to cross and flee from Pharaoh's army. And even though their doubt & disobedience landed them in the wilderness for 40 years, God never left their side and provided mannah and quail for them to eat. Hello?! God never stopped taking care of them!! How could they forget all these things?! Then God nudged me and told me I was an Israelite. Dang it.
Every time I start worrying about something, I get so focused on my circumstances, whether it's made-up or not, and I immediately forget about everything God has done for ME in the past. It's like I forget every promise in God's word... that's He'll never leave or forsake me (Heb 13:5), that He watches over everything that concerns me (Ps 55:22, 1 Pet 5:70), that He promises to work all things out for the good of those that love Him (that's me) and are called according to His purposes (Rom 8:28), that He has a plan for my life, not to harm me, but for good, giving me a future and hope (Jer 29:11)... need I go on?! These are all truths that I know in my heart, but my mind tends to forget all too quickly.
I know fear & worrying is a stronghold, but I also know that my God is a BIG God and no issue of mine is too big for Him to deal with. God says be anxious for nothing... and I'm sick of letting the devil get the best of me in this area. It's not going to happen overnight, but I pray that God will keep nudging me every time I start acting like an Israelite. I pray that He will continue to show me when I start slipping in this area and give me the strength to kick the devil out the front door. I desire the promises of God, I desire joy and peace in my life... and I refuse to let the devil steal it from me any longer! I also realize that things might not always work out as beautifully as I wish, and bad things can and will still happen... but that doesn't mean God forgot about me, or doesn't love me. But He will carry me through those times, and He will hold me in His arms, comfort me and wipe away my tears. His love never fails and His peace can prevail... even through difficult times. And for that, I'm truly thankful.
