As I left church on Sunday, I felt pretty drained. It wasn't a bad day, by any means... but I guess, overall I'm just feeling a little worn out. I've got a tough class this year. Don't get me wrong, I still love them dearly, but they are definitely a challenge. Granted, I'm taking on about 15 kindergarteners by myself each Sunday, which would be a challenge for almost anyone that's not a certified teacher (or maybe even teachers, too), but the combination of discipline issues, their lack of respect & inability to SIT STILL, and then having to balance the teaching, discipline AND giving everyone the help and/or affirmation they need with their activities... all at the SAME time... it just seems like an impossible task. I've been doing it since September... but my patience is beginning to wear thin.
I love these kids. And I love serving God by serving them. But I'm frustrated with the kids that won't listen. I'm sorry for the ones that are trying to be good, but are being distracted by those that just don't care. I'm mad that I spend more time getting on the kids that won't be quiet, while my attentive students are bored because I can't get through the bible story!!! I'm frustrated that I can't even separate them, because my room is too small and there's too many "talkative" kids that there's no place to put them!!! AGH!!
But through the midst of frustration, I'm reminded of 2 verses that I've leaned on (heavily) for the past 9 yrs., through all the ups and downs of ministry...
Galatians 6:9 - Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.
Colossians 3:23-24 - Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.
I have to keep reminding myself that it's not about me. And it's not in MY strength that I can teach these kids and get through the day. I'm an instrument for Him to work with, and I'm relying on God, now more than ever, to give me the strength, patience, energy and overflowing love for these kids. I know without a doubt that this is where God has called me. Granted, it's all about to change in a few months, because I've also seen how God has changed my heart over the last couple of years to prepare me for what lies ahead with Chris. But my point is, I'm still here in Portland... and this is my class through the end of June.
I will never forget a sermon I heard almost 7 yrs. ago. The pastor compared doing ministry to the burning bush. He said that although the bush was consumed with fire, it never burned up. The same goes for us. When we allow God's power to consume us... using His strength, and not our own... we will not burn out doing His work. There's no excuse for it. If He's called us to do something, He will supply us with EVERYTHING we need to finish the task. I'm just praying that He'll supply me with some HELP for these last 2 mos!! :-)
It's funny... Chris was down here a couple of weeks ago, and I hesitantly invited him to come to class with me. I wanted him to meet my fellow teachers, who have been hearing about him and praying for us for the past 6 mos... but at the same time, I was SO worried about how the kids would behave and what he'd think about the CHAOS in my classroom! But it was just the opposite!! Thank you JESUS!! God answered my prayers and they were probably the most well-behaved they've been all year!!! Which was great... but at the same time, completely frustrating!!! Why is it, that a man can step in the room... and it changes everything?! It shouldn't have surprised me, I've experienced it many times over the last 9 yrs. Whenever there is a man volunteering... just their mere presence in the room makes a huge impact in the behavior of the kids. It makes you wonder what things would be like if fathers were present in every household? Hmm....
It also makes me wonder if the other teachers and myself would feel so "empty" and ready for a break, if some of those "christians" sitting in the pews across the parking lot, would get off their butts and start serving!!! I realize not everyone is going to have a heart for kids, and choose to serve in children's ministry. But I honestly don't think I'd be this worn out, if I actually had some consistent help in my classroom this past year. I think back to the years when I had an assistant teacher with me every week, and those were some GREAT years!!
And here I go on my soap box...
I'm tired of folks just taking up space in the pews. Calling themselves christians, but not putting their faith in action. Too many people just go to church to check it off their list, or take advantage of the ministries... but don't take the time to serve themselves. Isn't that what we're called to do? God gives us spiritual gifts for a reason... and it's not to keep them to ourselves. We are supposed to be the hands & feet of Jesus... reaching out and serving others. So why is it that 20% of the congregation does 80% of the work. You always see the same people, doing everything! And this goes for all ministries... not just children's ministry. But the kids are my passion, so that's where I get riled up! And it's because I feel like they're getting jipped. I can't speak for other classes, but I honestly believe that the quality of education that MY kids are receiving each week is lower than what it should be. If I had help... class would run smoother, and the kids would be able to soak more in. I could focus on planting and nourishing seeds... not fighting and chasing off stupid crows the whole time. (cheesy analogy, I know... but that's how I'm feeling!)
And please don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to sound all high & mighty, but I am frustrated. I sit with my group of teachers each Sunday morning, praying that more and more kids would come, that the walls of our building will explode with kids and we'll have to build a new building!!! Yet sometimes I find myself praying for fewer kids in my class, or just a break this week... just because I can't handle them all by myself. That shouldn't be the case! I shouldn't be praying kids away!!! And in my heart... I want them all to come... even the "tough" ones. But I just want help.
I'm down to only 5 weeks left. I don't want to give up on my kids. Or not give them my all because I'm counting down the days until I'm done. So please pray for me... that God will give me the strength, energy & creativity to make these last few weeks fun and productive!! :-) Don't pray that He'll give me patience tho... I don't need the "reasons" to be patient!!! LOL!!!!!
Thanks for listening! And for your prayers!!!!
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