That's the question I've been asking myself since last Sunday evening. I've never been one to venture out to places by myself. The grocery store or mall... yes, but not to movies or a restaurant (other than a drive thrus, of course). But every once in awhile, something comes up that I'm passionate about and I make my mind up to go, regardless if I can talk a friend into going or not. The first time I did this was a couple years ago when the Mt. Dew Action Sports Tour came to town. It was 4 jam-packed days of BMX, Skate & Motorcross events. I saw it earlier that summer on TV and fell in love with it! So when it came to town, I was determined to be there. I walked around the complex, moved from event to event and chilled there by myself for 3 days!! I got prime seats for all the events b/c I only needed 1 seat, so I could squeeze in anywhere!! Stacey G. was SO proud of me for going by myself!!! And I was too, to a point. It was fabulous and I had a great time... but I missed having someone there to share it with. Someone to freak out with when someone did an AMAZING trick, or say "did you see that?!" Showing people my pics the next day just wasn't the same.
Well, here it is a couple years later and I find myself in the same predicament. Friday night I was out with friends and Sara mentioned that she went to the performance STOMP earlier that week. I have wanted to see that show forever!! It combines music, percussion and dance all in one... what's not to like!! The last day for the show was Sunday, so I only had 2 nights to try and go. Saturday I chilled with Violet all night, so that was out. Sunday, I mentioned it to Andee and Violet but neither could go... so I pondered for awhile, and finally decided it was important enough to me that I was willing to go by myself. And I did, and I loved it... yet was still missing that person to chat with during the show and talk about my favorite parts on the drive home. Although I did text Sara a couple times and Stacey G. b/c I knew they'd be proud of me for going!
Anyway, on my way home... I thought about my night. One part of me was extremely proud of myself for stepping out of my comfort zone and going to the performance on my own. Could it be I'm growing up, even if it's just a little bit? I mean, I'm almost 30, and still single. I can't put things on hold and give up things that I want to do just b/c I don't have someone to go with me or share it with. Yes, I have friends, God has blessed me with some great ones!! But as this instance proved... they can't always be around to do everything I want to do, they have lives and interests of their own.
Here's where the "depressed" part comes in. And it all comes back to being single. I want to have someone to share my life with! God created women to be the helpmate to the man and I have that desire in me to compliment someone and be a man of God's other half. However, I also know that no man is going to "complete me" contrary to what Tom Cruise might believe. God is the only one that will complete me and fill any void that I "feel" is in my life. But anyway...
As I was driving home, I found myself crying because even though I was glad I went.... I don't want to do these things by myself. Yes, I know I CAN do it, and WILL do it by myself if need be. But that's not the way I WANT to do it. And honestly, it is more than just wanting a man. I'd have been just as happy if one of my best friends were there with me Sunday night. I just wanted SOMEONE there to enjoy it with me.
So I guess the answer to my question is a little bit of both. I'm "grown up" enough to make things happen and go after what I want instead of waiting around and relying on someone else. Yet, I know I definitely don't want to be that girl that starts doing everything on her own... it's much more fun to share life's experiences with friends & people you love!!!
So there ya go... there's my deep thoughts for the month!
3 comments:
I hear ya sista!
Aww, you make me want to cry, too! I hate it when my friends are sad!
I'm reading 50 Days of Heaven by Randy Alcorn right now, and there's a chapter in it about how we are all homesick for Heaven. There's a couple of lines in it that apply to all of us...
"Nothing is more often misdiagnosed than our homesickness for Heaven. We think that what we want is sex, drugs, alcohol, a new job, a raise, a doctorate, a spouse, a large-screen television, a new car, a cabin in the woods, a condo in Hawaii. What we really want is the person we were made for, Jesus, and the place we were made for, Heaven. Nothing less can satisfy us."
It's easy to forget that nothing on this Earth will ever fully satisfy us. You already mentioned in your post that you know that God is the only one that can fulfill all your desires, but it's still hard to be alone! I hope and pray that God will give you a husband who will adore you and will share all the fun times and hard times with you. He wants to see his children be happy, and I know he's hearing you when you ask him for that! He's got a plan for you, and he's obviously already using you to glorify Himself! You are able to do so much with those kids at your church and with the other people around you right now that you probably wouldn't have time for if you were married. Your light is shining bright in this world! I know it's hard, but try and think of it this way - if it's not in His plan for you to marry soon, or (gasp) ever, he's got something even bigger and better in His plan to do with you!
(in response to michelle's comment)Preach it, Sister! Amen and Hallelujah!
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